No one likes to talk about death or ageing. These topics can be emotionally challenging and uncomfortable for many families to discuss.

Just 14 per cent of those aged over 65 have an advanced care directive.

However, avoiding these conversations can sometimes mean important decisions are delayed until a medical emergency or hospital stay occurs.

Having conversations earlier can help older people communicate their wishes. It can also reduce stress for loved ones and ensure important decisions are better understood before a crisis arises.

So, why are these conversations important and what is the best way to approach them?

Why these conversations are important

Without having these conversations, there may be ambiguity around the wishes of your loved one.

For example, if they become incapacitated, do they want to be revived or what type of care would they prefer?

While having these discussions can be difficult, they may reduce stress and uncertainty for families later on.

Starting conversations earlier can also mean support is accessed before a person’s condition deteriorates.

Applying for aged care services too late may mean ending up on a waitlist and not receiving the level of care needed when it is required most.

Beginning these discussions early can also help older people gradually become more comfortable with the idea of receiving support before they urgently need it. This can make the transition into receiving care less overwhelming.

How to have the conversation

Many people begin conversations about end of life and a loved one’s wishes with difficult topics such as wills and power of attorney. However, this is often not the best approach.

Instead, experts recommend beginning the conversation early and gently.

To help families start these discussions, online platform Vera has developed a guide called “Put the kettle on”. The guide encourages people to begin with simple conversations about what it means for older relatives to live well in their later years and what matters most to them.

• What makes a good day for you?
• What does being independent look like to you?
• Who would be good to help when decisions need making?
• Where do your will and wishes stand right now?
• What would you most want people to know about you?

These can be accompanied by follow up questions such as:

• If you needed more help over time, what would be OK?
• Is there anything you’d be worried people who love you might get wrong about what you actually want?
• How much is remaining in your own home a priority for you?

While these discussions may feel uncomfortable at first, they can help families better understand each other’s wishes and reduce uncertainty during difficult times. Having conversations early can also empower older people to maintain greater control over the decisions that affect their care, independence and quality of life as they age.

These conversations can also provide peace of mind for family members, who may otherwise be left trying to make difficult decisions without knowing what their loved one truly wanted. In many cases, discussing these topics earlier can strengthen communication within families and make future decisions less stressful and overwhelming.

Importantly, these discussions are not just about end-of-life care. They are also about understanding what matters most to a person as they grow older, including their goals, values, lifestyle and the type of support they may wish to receive in the future.

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Article References

Aubusson, K (15 May 2026) ‘Don’t wait til 2am in a hospital corridor’: The five questions every adult needs to ask their parents’, The Age, accessed 18 May 2026.